Losing a beloved pet can truly be like losing a member of the family. Whether it was a sudden passing, a death after illness, or peacefully exiting the world after a happy, long life. The grief one can experience is overwhelming. The death of a pet is a subject we often have to deal with during online counseling. And dealing with the loss can be much more complicated than expected by most.
This article explains what to expect when a beloved pet passes, why you might experience emotions and situations you weren’t really expecting or prepared for, and what you can do to get through this difficult time.
Why the Death of a Pet Can Be So Devastating
Many who talk about this subject during online counseling admit that they were caught off guard by the extreme emotions and intense feelings of loss after the death of a pet. This is because society has for many centuries instilled the narrative that it’s “just” an animal and that animals somehow are beneath humans when it comes to importance.
So, subconsciously, although we know and expect a pet to pass during our lifetime, we are subconsciously programmed to expect a “lesser than” experience after their passing with a much shorter grieving period and less intense emotions. But let’s take a look at the reality of your loss and why this simply won’t be the case for most pet owners:
The Unconditional Love is Gone
Human relationships are tricky (and is probably the biggest reason people come for online counseling). Our dynamics are interlaced with plenty of interpersonal complexities. With our pets that is not the case. When it comes to animals such as cats and dogs, their love is unconditional. It doesn’t matter what bad choices you’ve made today. And it doesn’t matter whether you were a bit short with them as you left the house for work. Nothing will stop them from greeting you at the front door upon arrival. Or coming in for some cuddles while you’re sitting on the couch.
This is often what makes animal abuse cases so tough to stomach since most animals will forgive and forget and love despite the most horrendous of treatment. But after experiencing such incredible unconditional love on a daily basis, it is hard to get used to suddenly having to live without it.
A Faithful Companion Has Left
A literal space in the house has opened up, and it would be impossible not to notice or feel the emptiness. The empty food bowl, the favorite spot where they used to lie, even certain sounds in the house have fallen silent. Having this faithful companion by your side every day is something we often take for granted. But the incredible role this companionship played in your life becomes very apparent once they’re gone.
A Pet Can Become a Member of the Family
Many pets really become another member of the family. In fact, many pets grow up alongside the children of the house. Most of the family’s day, memories, and photos will include their beloved pet. There will also be plenty of conversations and even deep heart-to-hearts. So it’s completely understandable that they would be seen as an established member of the family and that your emotional attachment would also be very familial in nature.
Pets Can Become the “Children” in the House
Pets can become the “children” in the house. Sometimes, the owner has just built an extreme attachment, which manifests in all sorts of spoils and treatment that mirrors that of a parent/child relationship. But in many cases, these pets really have taken the place of a child.
Whether it was as a comfort after the loss of a biological child. Or as an alternative to couples’ who are unable to have their own children. We as a society need to understand and acknowledge the important roles these pets play in their owner’s lives and not always be so quick to chalk it up to another Paris Hilton walking around with a puppy in her poach.
How to Deal with the Loss of a Pet
Grief is unique to everyone. This means that no person’s grief looks the same. There is no timeline, and it’s also not linear. In other words, you may experience days when you think it’s getting better, only to wake up one morning and feel overpowered by the emotion yet again.
As long as you know that whatever you are experiencing throughout this time is okay. And if you feel like you have a need or begin to feel worried, reach out to a professional. Here’s how to deal with the loss of your pet and walk the healing journey:
Don’t Suppress Your Feelings
The healthiest and quickest way of dealing with tough times and intense feelings like this is to recognize and acknowledge what you’re going through and allow yourself to feel all the emotions.
Focus on the Celebration of Life Rather than the Devastation of Death
People can often get stuck on the last moments of a pet’s life, especially if it’s been a traumatic one. But your pet’s entire existence was not limited to a last couple of days or hours. They most likely had many, many happy years with you and the family before that time. So, instead of focusing and replaying their last moments over and over in your mind, rather focus on celebrating their amazing life.
With this being said, we would just like to emphasize once again that feelings and emotions should not be suppressed. If you find yourself having an extremely tough time, it is advisable to receive trauma therapy. This can also be done via online counseling, so you don’t even need to leave the comfort of your own house to have someone help you through this difficult time.
Speak Up
There’s no need to suffer in silence. Reach out to family and friends or, as we already mentioned, a professional. Share your favorite memories, and express your grief. Speaking up and talking about it is another way of processing the heartbreaking event and the emotions associated with it.
Choose the Most Comforting “Burial”
Funerals are not just a cultural formality but play a vital part in closure. So research the available options for your pet that would bring the most comfort and healing. Some just want to have their pet cremated and then have a little memorial with their nearest and dearest. Some want their pet cremated and placed in an urn to always have them close by. Others wish to bury their pets in the yard or family plot, where they can also visit when the longing becomes a lot.
Don’t Rush Packing Up
Your pet may no longer be here, but there’s no hurry to start packing their things. Leave their pet bed, don’t take away their food and water bowls, and have the leash hanging by the keys a little longer. It’s okay to take a while to let go of these items since they symbolize a lifetime of memories. It can even help with the healing process by triggering some of those good memories as well as the sadness that goes along with them.
As we mentioned earlier, it’s important to sit with those feelings for a while when they come up. And when you feel the time has come to start packing up, there’s also no need to completely get rid of things. If it makes you feel more comfortable, put them in storage. Or donate items to a worthy cause, such as a pet shelter. You can also pick out a few favorite items and have them framed or put in a memory box.
DON’T Rush to Replace the Emptiness
As with many of life’s losses, it can be tempting to try and fill the void to make it hurt less. But when it comes to the loss of a pet, we cannot stress the importance of time enough. It will be very unfair towards you and the animal if you should get a new pet too quickly.
You will not have properly processed the loss of your pet, and the new pet will have to live up to unjust expectations and fill the so-called shoes of a previous pet, which simply is impossible. Grieve and process so you can begin the search for a new pet (if you choose to do so) as the start of a brand new pet chapter.
Alternatives for Seniors
Unfortunately, we sometimes deal with situations in online counseling where the loss of a beloved pet has occurred with the owner being a senior. Most seniors will admit that it would not be fair to the pet or their families to get a new pet, even after the completion of the grieving process. The chances are simply too high that the pet will outlive them. These are often heartbreaking situations since these seniors make wonderful and loving pet owners.
It’s even sadder when you take into account that roughly 34% of adults over 55 report feelings of almost crippling loneliness. The good news is that, even though it will never be quite like the real thing, there are alternatives for seniors, and we often recommend them during online counseling sessions. These recommendations include robotic pets, which not only aid in loneliness but can even act as helpful reminders for important parts of a senior’s life.
In closing, the loss of a beloved pet shouldn’t be downplayed or underestimated, and the emotions that come along with it shouldn’t be suppressed. Allow yourself to grieve, and if you need guidance throughout the healing process, don’t hesitate to reach out to professionals. If you’d like to book an online counseling session or just have some questions, you can reach us at info@personalonlinetherapy.com. Or you can complete the form below and we’ll reach out to you:
