Sex has been a fairly taboo topic ‘till recent years. Even today, this subject brings a blush to the cheeks and there are many things that are misunderstood. The only thing more misunderstood than things surrounding sex is sex therapy! Many don’t understand what it entails and some even have the strange notion that they will be placed in a makeshift bedroom where a sex therapist will be critiquing their “performance”.
This might be because of the old series, Masters of Sex. This series is based on real people and although much of the storyline is fictitious, the context is pretty spot on. William Masters and Virginia Johnson were pioneers within the industry. They knew that there was much more to sex than just populating the earth. And with so many psychological theories pertaining to sexuality (such as Freud’s) doing the rounds, this was a fascinating field to explore. And, yes, back in those days it included a lab and couples having sex.
Luckily, because of their and other professional’s findings, you can rest assured that sex therapy today (unlike what is shown on Goop documentaries) has nothing to do with having people undress or putting them in any sort of sexual situation.
Do you need sex therapy?
When people start talking about sex therapy, they often make the comments “there’s nothing wrong with my sex life” or “I know how to do sex”. But sex therapy is not always about fixing something, it’s also about improving things. Let’s take a closer look at a few of the most common reasons people reach out to a sex therapist:
“Ouch!”
That is probably the last thing you want to be saying or have said to you during sex. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable and there should not be any pain involved. We are not referring to certain fetishes such as BDSM where pain might play a role in the sex act. What we’re referring to is purely biological. If at any stage it physically hurts to have sex, your first go-to will be a doctor.
But here’s where things get interesting. In many cases, physical pain is caused by psychological factors. For example, if a woman experiences high levels of anxiety during sex, her vaginal muscles might spasm. This is just one example of the insights a sex therapist might have in terms of painful sex.
Discovering those pronouns
We are living in a time where gender identity has become far more complex than trying to figure out whether you’re straight or gay. Straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, transgender… we can go on for days. It’s no wonder that discovering who you are sexually and what gender you identify with can be such a confusing time. A sex therapist can play a massive role in helping you figure it all out.
Shifting gears
Many actually struggle due to past social norms and mindsets. Older generations simply cannot understand certain modern sexual concepts and they don’t really have someone they can comfortably turn to for help. Whether you come from a background where missionary was the only position or masturbation meant burning in hell – there are a LOT of people struggling to understand the sexual landscape and where they fit into it today. A sex therapist can help educate you and navigate this modern maze.
Baby on board
Sex can be a tricky thing during and after pregnancy – especially if it’s your first child. Sex can be uncomfortable, hormones can lead to a lower or heightened libido, natural birth as well as a C-section has certain physical consequences, and then there’s the all-time classic every new parent asks: “but doesn’t it hurt the baby?” Navigating sex with all things pregnancy and baby related can be confusing. Your sex therapist will set the record straight and help you have a happy and healthy sex life throughout.
We’re not on the same page
Ever heard the “I have a headache” old chestnut? Well, although this alludes to a very real issue many couples are faced with, the stereotype is unfounded. While mainstream media would have us believe that it’s always the male that’s got a raging libido that’s simply unquenchable, the truth is that it cuts both ways. We are often privy to both males and females expressing a need for more sex from their partners. Sex therapy is not about simply increasing the one’s libido in order to satisfy the other. Often there are compromises to be made on both sides that a sex therapist can help you with.
On the other hand, there can also be actual physiological issues at play. For example, women’s libido may increase drastically during pregnancy or decrease dramatically when they start hitting menopause. Men’s libido is also heavily affected by the stress and strain of their everyday lives. So sometimes there are issues that need to be addressed in order to live a happy and healthy life – the consequential increase in libido is just a bonus.
“Faulty” equipment
This is every man’s worst nightmare. Either you can’t get the equipment to work in the first place or it works a little too well. The anxiety that men experience in regard to erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation has a lot to do with its portrayal in Hollywood. It’s usually the outcast and school nerd that can’t hold it back much longer. And it’s the frail, old man that always needs his “little blue helpers”.
But the reality of erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation looks completely different and is a much more natural (and fixable) occurrence than most care to admit. In fact, 52% of all men experience erectile dysfunction and this increases by 5-15% once men hit 40 (not old at all, right?). And why are older men always portrayed as somewhat pathetic, sub-par humans? Almost 20% of pensioners have better sex lives after the age of 65 than they did before! With or without “little blue helpers”. 30-40% of all men also experience premature ejaculation.
So, if this happens to you, there’s no need to stress – you’re simply a normal male. That being said, there can be numerous reasons why these things occur. It can be anything from the stress of a specific day, hormonal imbalances, or more serious medical issues such as prostate cancer. So figuring out why this occurs (on a regular basis) is crucial for your psychological as well as physical well-being. If you experience regular erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, your first stop should be a medical doctor. But many times the doctor will refer you to a sex therapist if they find the problem is not caused by a medical issue.
Battling trauma
Sadly, one of the things that happen if you’ve been a victim of a sexual crime is that it strips you from the joy that sex can bring. Anything sexual can be triggering to a victim. Whether you’re single or part of a couple, you’ll need to process the trauma in order to start moving towards a place where sex can be enjoyed. If you are in a couple it’s also crucial for your partner to understand the situation and how to handle it. A sex therapist can assist with that.
Compatibility issues
You might struggle to have orgasms through penetration, but that’s all your husband wants to do. You might get aroused by your wife wearing a sexy nurse outfit, but she thinks it’s silly. Or you and your boyfriend both want to be the bottom. There are so many sexual differences and preferences that it’s almost astounding that we can find any common ground at all.
Compatibility issues are much more prevalent than people think. In fact, most couples have some sort of compatibility issue. The good news? There’s no need to start packing your bags. A sex therapist can help you get to a place where sex is highly enjoyable for you and your partner.
“She’s a private dancer…”
We live in a time of extreme sexual discovery and freedom. There might still be age-old professions such as stripping and prostituting, but now we also have things such as sugar baby arrangements and Onlyfans. A lot of couples find themselves in situations where their partner is making money from their sexuality or explicit content. This can be a tricky dynamic to manage where boundaries can become blurry and emotions such as jealousy can rear their head quite often. A sex therapist can give a little guidance on how to make these relationships work.
The sex is terrible
There’s a reason why people fake orgasms. Sometimes the sex is just horrible. There can be a number of reasons for this that have nothing to do with compatibility. Inexperience is probably one of the biggest reasons. Or misinformation based on what someone was told or what they’ve seen on porn sites. The good news is that this is something that can be fixed with the help of a sex therapist and the even better news when it comes to sex is that practice makes perfect…
Those nasty expectations
Sometimes people feel very underwhelmed by their sex life. It’s not particularly bad, but they keep feeling like it can be better. What we often see when this occurs is that expectations are not only too high, but it’s sometimes completely unrealistic. For this, Hollywood and the porn industry can take a lot of blame. Want to have hot sex in the shower?
Unless you have the upper body strength of a superhero and the flexibility of a gymnast, odds are that this will not have the theatrical ending you envision. The same goes for sex on the beach, threesomes, and the Kama Sutra position that seems so easy. Sometimes, to have better sex we merely need to keep our expectations in check.
Taking things to the next level
There might be absolutely nothing wrong with your sex life, but you and your partner are open to exploring. If you find yourself in a foreign country, you get a guide to show you around. That is exactly what a sex therapist can be to you when exploring the sexual landscape.
The benefits of an online sex therapist
There can be many benefits from going to sex therapy that extends much further than just improving your sex life. Here are some of the biggest perks:
- It improves the communication between you and your partner. Many people don’t have satisfactory sex lives simply because they are ashamed to talk about sex or their general couples communication is not up to scratch. By tackling these “taboo” subjects and having these tough conversations, a couple will be able to have much better and more open communication with each other that’s not just limited to the bedroom.
- It improves body image. Either we are unaware of how our own body image impacts our lives. Or we have incredibly high standards we impose on ourselves that are completely unrealistic and not what our partners expect from us at all. It’s incredibly freeing to unshackle yourself from these mental chains.
- Sex therapy can have a domino effect. By changing certain sexual dynamics you’ll experience a positive change in your relationship dynamic as well.
- By myth-busting certain beliefs, expectations, and thoughts regarding sex, one can significantly decrease the anxiety levels regarding your sex life.
- You broaden your horizons. Even if you never use the vibrating panties or the gimp mask, you’ll know what it is and what it’s for.
- Sex therapy might clear certain psychological blockages and actually increase your libido.
- It can help with erectile dysfunction.
- It strengthens the emotional connection between partners.
- The fact that therapy is online means that you can keep your anonymity. Nobody will ever know that you saw a sex therapist unless you volunteer this information.
- Having sex therapy online is way cheaper than having to meet their professional in their consulting rooms.
Free Consultation
Does any of the above ring a bedroom bell or sound like something you might need to look into? Are you interested in having a free introductory consultation? Then you are welcome to reach out to us. We have multiple professionals from all over the world ready and willing to help. Contact us via email at info@personalonlinetherapy.com or by completing the form below. Start with a free consultation to find out if online therapy suits you.
