In November, we celebrated World Adoption Day. Even a child psychologist can acknowledge that adoption has had a fairly bad rep in the past, not just because of horror movies such as Orphan or bizarre documentaries such as The Curious Case of Natalia Grace, but also horrific crimes, such as that of Janice Sebial in the Philippines, and numerous accounts of very troubled teen years by adoptive parents.
It is true that adoption is not for the faint of heart, especially in cases where a lot of trauma has occurred. Or where not much is known about the child’s background. But, if you ask any child psychologist, human beings tend to speak up when things are bad and keep quiet when things are good. So, while the media and people flood our ears with these horror stories – they represent only a small minority.
We are not shying away from the statistics indicating that adopted children have more of a general uphill battle before them. But we also acknowledge that there are ways to deal with the risks pre-emptively and efficiently and, ultimately, provide children with the life and loving family they so rightfully deserve.
What the Stats Say
The situation is pretty dire. According to statistics, roughly 147 million children are already up for adoption. But this number is growing, with an additional 12 million added to the list each year.
In comparison, countries such as the US adopt almost 5 million children annually (mostly from other countries such as Ukraine, South Korea, India, China, Bulgaria, Columbia, and Haiti). Domestic adoptions don’t even add up to 20,000.
A child up for adoption typically waits 3 years before a family adopts them if adoption occurs at all.
Most children are either put up for adoption as infants or are removed by social services before the average age of 19 months.
The actual process of adopting a child (the paperwork, the evaluations, the home checks, etc.) takes an average of 10 months.
48% of adopted children are 4 years old or younger. Those between 5 and 12 have roughly a 40% shot. And the odds are definitely not in your favour between 13 and 17 with a measly 12% adoption rate.
Foster parents adopt 55% of orphans, while relatives adopt 34%. Orphans without foster parents or relatives face greater challenges in finding adoptive families.
We can dig deeper into the statistics, but this rabbit hole doesn’t get less dark. You don’t even need a child psychologist to tell you that the statistics and processes mentioned here are already enough to severely traumatise any child.
Add on the fact that it has been proven that both unplanned and unwanted foetuses are already impacted by all sorts of stress hormones, etc., even before birth, and you’re sitting with such a seemingly hopeless situation that it’s enough to make even the strongest among us burst out in tears. So, to say that (many) more people are needed to assist and properly understand, invest and give these children a shot at a brighter tomorrow would be the understatement of the year.
The Odds for Potential Trouble
If you are thinking about adopting, it’s important to be aware of what the research says. Not just for your own sake, but also for the child. People used to purchase dogs and cats for themselves (or even others!) on a whim without really understanding the commitment and responsibility they’ve signed up for.
Many new owners eventually abandoned these pets at shelters. This is the very reason pet adoptions (from reputable breeders and organisations) have become so incredibly strict. Luckily, human adoptions are also very strict. But you won’t be able to drop off that poor child at a shelter whenever the going gets tough. So, you need to ensure you are prepared (and willing!) to step up to the plate when certain things might rear their head.
Statistics show that adopted children’s mental health tends to be 2.5 to 6 times worse than the average biological child. 39% require special health care compared to 19% of average biological children. But there’s good news as well. Many adoptive parents fear that the child will struggle to adapt and integrate into their new home. However, studies have proven that 9 out of 10 children actually adapt fairly well and pretty quickly.
Why Do Adopted Children Seem to Struggle So Much?
There are many reasons why adopted children could potentially struggle. And while all reasons may apply to one child, only a few may apply to another. It’s very child-specific. Reasons include:
The Biological Mother’s Stress and Anxiety
The biological mother may experience very high levels of stress (usually the case in adoption cases where the mother is very young or the family is under extreme financial pressure). Studies proved these stress hormones (especially cortisol) alter or disrupt hippocampal development (the development of a part of the brain that manages various functions such as memory, learning, emotions, and spatial awareness).
The Biological Mother’s Substance Abuse
The same goes for any substance abuse issues the biological mother may have had while pregnant. Substances easily pass through the placenta. So, many of these little ones will not only have to experience physical withdrawals once born, but the drug exposure will impact their brain development, leading to possible behavioural and cognitive problems.
Their growth rate could also be impacted, and they may have all sorts of long-term health problems. That doesn’t even include the possibility of serious birth defects.
The Genetics of the Biological Family
There might be plenty of debate surrounding nature vs. nurture. However, any child psychologist will tell you that it’s undeniable that genetics play at least some role in all of our lives. That’s why one’s biological makeup in the family tree is important information to have (and something often lacking when it comes to adoptions).
From a history of medical conditions such as cancer or thyroid problems to mental health issues, such as depression and schizophrenia – these could all play a potential role in the child’s life.
Trauma
We already touched on trauma as another major factor affecting adoptive children, especially when families adopt them when they’re older. The likelihood of that child having gone through immense trauma, whether neglect, poverty, all sorts of abuse, or the death of one or both parents, is pretty high.
Think of a traumatic moment in your adult life, how that impacted you and the work you had to put in to process and work through it. Now imagine copious amounts of trauma as a young child in their formative years who is not yet capable of fully understanding or processing these events or incidents.
Preventative and Effective Care: How You Can Make ALL the Difference
Everything we have shared till now is not to dissuade you from adopting. As we’ve already mentioned, the need is overwhelming. But we want you to be informed so you’re not caught by surprise. And that you can take preventative and immediate treatment action when and where needed.
Educate yourself, stay informed, and take proactive steps to give an adopted child an incredible life! These are some of the ways you can make ALL the difference:
Do a Full Medical Screening
Do a full medical screening (even if you are provided with a medical background). Even if the biological parent(s) shared this information, they sometimes leave things out or don’t know themselves. This screening should tell you whether there are any underlying conditions, potential risks, and even basic information, such as whether certain vaccinations are missing.
Get a Child Therapist Involved
Book an appointment with a child therapist, and make this a standing arrangement. This way, potential red flags can be spotted and treated early. This will also allow the child to learn healthy coping skills and habits that might actually prevent a lot of potential things from ever rearing their ugly heads in the first place.
Get a Jump on Any Developmental Issues or Trauma-induced Problems
If there are any early signs of developmental issues or trauma-induced behavioural or cognitive issues (these can include ADHD, dyslexia, or Authority Defiance Disorder), get a jump on them immediately. For example, any child psychologist will confirm that trying to manage ADHD at age 17 is a very different (and difficult) ballgame than dealing with it from age 7.
Take the Negative Charge Out of Adoption
Ensure that your child knows from a very early age that adoption is a wonderful thing. It doesn’t make them any less part of their family, but rather that we just have different types of families in the world. Some children have two mommies and daddies. Some just have a mommy or a daddy. And others have two sets of parents. A family with an adopted child is just another example of a normal family compilation.
Do Not Compare Your Child with Other Children
Children have set developmental milestones, but that doesn’t mean every baby should and will sit upright promptly at 6 months. Children differ, and you must allow them to develop at their own pace. If you’re starting to become concerned, let the professionals check it out and evaluate it. But don’t let the child feel pressured due to certain expectations you may have.
Don’t Pigeon Hole Your Child
Just because you adopted your child, it doesn’t mean they WILL have all sorts of issues. It’s important to never give the child the message that we’re constantly expecting something to be “wrong” with them. And vice versa. If they are struggling with some developmental drawbacks, don’t pigeonhole them.
For example, just because they may have dyslexia doesn’t mean they can’t have a career in writing. If that was the case, Agatha Christie, with her myriad of developmental issues, including dyslexia, should’ve never been a bestselling author of more than 66 literary works. The sky’s the limit for most kids. It’s parents who often create a ceiling.
Adopting a child can be an incredibly rewarding experience. Not just for the parents who might’ve struggled with fertility issues, but also for the child. By providing them with a loving and supportive home and surrounding them with an external support system that includes a child psychologist, teachers, etc., you can truly change the trajectory of a child’s life and give them the chance to become a happy, healthy adult that could be the next Steve Jobs, Eleanor Roosevelt, or Babe Ruth (and yes, they were all adopted children).
If you have any more questions regarding adoptions, would like some recommendations or resources, or want to book an appointment with a child psychologist, please reach out to us at info@personalonlinetherapy.com. Alternatively, you can complete the form below, and we’ll get back to you as soon as we can:
