The ‘It Ends with Us’ and Blake Lively vs. Justin Baldoni saga seem to be getting worse by the day. But while the world is dissecting legal documents and debating all the he said/she said scenarios, there is something that’s become a concerning casualty in this war: the important core theme of domestic abuse. An online counsellor dives into the issue and why it matters.
‘It Ends with Us’ and It’s Problematic Marketing
Colleen Hoover’s bestselling novel-turned-movie, ‘It Ends with Us’, was going to revolutionize how Hollywood portrays domestic violence. Many fans and victims anxiously waited for its debut on the big screen. The story is about Lily Bloom (a successful and independent woman in her own right), who navigates complex relationship dynamics and the abuse from her successful neurosurgeon husband, Ryle.
The reason why the book resonated with so many was the fact that it reflected the reality of domestic abuse, which is not just another stereotypical version of the helpless and dependent wife and the alcoholic husband living off of minimum wage. As any online counsellor can confirm, domestic abuse does not discriminate between age or personality. It also has no regard for social status.
So, it’s understandable that audiences eagerly anticipated and strongly hoped that this movie would be the voice that’s so needed in this world. And that it would be the starting point of a crucial conversation about a very serious problem.
Cue the ‘It Ends with Us’ press tour and premiere, where the focus quickly shifted from crucial conversations to cross-promotion. Blake Lively’s booze brand, Betty Booze, was especially highlighted, with even the guests at the premiere being served a boozy blend called ‘Ryle You Wait’. This is a jarring example of the disconnect between Hollywood and its audience.
The Pandemic You Probably Didn’t Know About
In 2020, the Covid-19 pandemic completely turned the world upside down. Authorities put immediate and pretty severe measures in place, from lockdowns to masks, to try and curb the devastation. We have to ask ourselves why society doesn’t handle the pandemic of domestic abuse with the same concern.
To put this into its rightfully shocking perspective, at the peak of the Covid-19 pandemic, you had a roughly 0.4% chance of contracting the dreaded disease. Yet, 1 in 3 women (over 33%!) will experience domestic abuse sometime throughout their life.
You don’t need to be a mathematician to grasp the stark contrast and our failure to pay attention and address the fact that we have another serious pandemic on our hands. So, you can understand why ‘It Ends with Us’ could’ve truly been a game changer in placing a much-needed spotlight on the subject.
A Reminder That Domestic Abuse isn’t Just Physical
Here, we just want to highlight again that domestic abuse isn’t always physical. And domestic abuse also doesn’t need to be physical to cause severe psychological and emotional damage. Below is just a reminder of the different types of domestic abuse as summarized by an online counsellor:
- Physical Abuse – This is when someone is inflicting physical injury on you.
- Emotional/Psychological Abuse – This actually has a pretty wide range, from name-calling and humiliation to gaslighting and other forms of manipulation.
- Sexual Abuse – This is any sexual acts that occur without your consent.
- Financial/Economic Abuse – This one has actually been accepted as a social norm for many years. You’ll often see this in stay-at-home-mom situations, where one party is completely financially dependent on their partner. Such a situation can make it extremely difficult to leave since you don’t have the financial resources to do so.
- Social Abuse – This is when a partner is trying to isolate you. They will move you away from your support network. Or find ways to cut out friends or family from your life.
- Technological Abuse – This is a form of abuse that’s emerged in modern-day society. This includes things such as a partner logging into your accounts without your consent or knowledge. Or using tracking apps or tracking devices to keep tabs on your movements and so forth.
It’s also important to note that you’ll often find that two or more of the different types of abuse are present in a domestic abuse situation. So it’s not a case of one or the other.
Alcohol and Abuse: a Bitter Cocktail
Although there’s been a lot of drama surrounding the ‘It Ends with Us’ movie, the most problematic, as we’ve already touched on, is the promotion of alcohol. We do not care about the Hollywood intrigue between Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni. Or who’s to blame for the important messaging getting derailed and the misplaced focus on alcohol.
We just want to make it very clear that alcohol is a massive problem when it comes to abuse, which makes its presence at a movie highly inappropriate. Between 40% and 60% of domestic abuse incidents occur when people are under the influence of alcohol. Binge drinking (the “fun,” going out and partying type of drinking) makes violent behaviour three times more likely.
A Swedish study spanning over 16 years and had 140,000 male participants also found that those who were alcohol dependent were 6 times more likely to commit acts of domestic abuse. To top it all off with an even more horrific cherry on top: of all the domestic violence deaths that occur annually, more than 90,000 involve alcohol.
Of course, we’re not claiming that alcohol is the actual cause of domestic violence. However, any online counsellor can tell you it plays a big role and is definitely an instigator. Steve Carleton, Chief Clinical Officer and Certified Addictions Specialist states, “Although alcohol cannot be attributed to being the direct cause of domestic abuse, it is the effects of alcohol that can cause trouble.
Alcohol impairs cognitive functioning, increases aggression, reduces self-control or impulse control, distorts perceptions, lowers inhibitions, and can often give an individual a heightened sense of power and a feeling of being untouchable or free of any/all consequences. When one takes all these effects into account, it’s not surprising that alcohol can lead to increased conflict and violence.”
A Picture That Speaks a Thousand Words
If you would like a more tangible representation of what we’re talking about, picture this:
You have a gun on a table to your right and 10 shots of whiskey on a table to your left. Which do you think is more dangerous? Well, turns out that both are equally risky, with both increasing the risk of homicide by 400%!
How odd then that society fears the one but associates the other with a “good time.” It just goes to show how twisted society can sometimes get it.
Alcohol is Also Not An Excuse!
While there’s no denying the statistics, and we can clearly see the impact alcohol has on instances of domestic abuse, we should also be careful not to turn it into an excuse. Abusers often weaponize intoxication in these types of relationship dynamics, especially when domestic abuse cases wind up in court.
“Sorry, but I was drunk” simply doesn’t cut it for calling your partner every bad name in the book and them having to cover up bruises. The “I can’t remember” excuse is also getting old. If there’s an actual alcohol problem, seek professional help. But that still doesn’t explain the inclination towards abuse, which is merely exacerbated or triggered by the use of alcohol.
Since most abuse boils down to a need to control or dominate, it requires professional help on a whole different level. And while true rehabilitation is possible, it will require extreme dedication and commitment. As well as a willingness to do a deep dive into the darkest parts of your psyche and make the necessary changes.
How to Wake Up a World?
The derailment of such a powerful tool as ‘It Ends with Us’ is absolutely tragic. It turned into nothing more than a missed opportunity to inform, educate and support. It’s also heartbreaking to realize how much the controversy surrounding the movie is extensively covered in the media, completely overshadowing its core messaging.
The drama between a couple of celebrities gets prioritized over serious systemic issues! So, the drama truly extends far beyond the boundaries of Hollywood. Promoting alcohol on the press tour of a movie about domestic abuse is not okay. And disappointing so many the book meant a lot to (many of whom are victims or survivors of domestic violence themselves) is not okay.
It’s people who were anxiously awaiting the movie, hoping to find some solace, healing, and community in “their” story being told. In fact, an online counsellor can confirm that the situation can be quite triggering and distressing to victims. The way the drama has overshadowed the theme can make victims and survivors feel like their experiences and traumas have been trivialized and invalidated. It essentially traumatises them all over again.
At the end of the day, what has happened with the movie ‘It Ends with Us’ is not just another Hollywood scandal. It is a reminder that we as a society need to do better – much, much better.
Reach Out!
If you suspect that you or someone you love may be the victim of abuse, or you’d just like more information on the subject, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us. An experienced online counsellor will be more than willing to assist. You can pop us an email at info@personalonlinetherapy.com. Or complete the form below, and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible:
