For many, many years people have marvelled at the literary jewel by Gabriel Garcia Marquez; Love in the Time of Cholera. It will be extremely interesting to see what literary works regarding love will be published about the time of Corona. The impact that lockdown had on lovers globally is truly a story to tell. And many did during online couples counseling sessions. Whether you had been married for 30 years, lived together for two or dated for only a couple of months; lockdown didn’t distinguish when it came to its relationship challenges. Lockdown managed to tear people apart who have been living together for decades. And it forced people apart who wished that they could spend every waking moment together.
Sadly, many didn’t know that, just like Zoom & Skype was the solution to many business issues, online couples counseling was also available to smooth over emerging wrinkles in relationships. With online couples counseling such as Personal Online Therapy it doesn’t matter whether you’re in the same room, city or even country together. Plus The latter (which in certain cases might turn out not to be such a bad thing after all).
“But we don’t need therapy”
So you’re still in marital bliss or loving the honeymoon phase of a new relationship and don’t need any therapy, right? The common misconception is that you only need counselling if the relationship is already in serious trouble. And yes, online couples counseling is certainly available and a proven resource when your relationship hits a really rough patch. As a preventative solution, couples counseling has actually proved to be even more effective.
Couples who have a standard “check-up” scheduled with their counsellor can work through common relationship problems even before they arise. Navigating solutions is much easier when emotions aren’t already involved whilst discussing common contentious couple issues. A scheduled time focused on you as a couple also generally serves to improve communication and connection. Or you can simply use your online couples counseling session as a means to stock-up on your relationship skills toolkit.
When has it become time to “fix it”?
It is important to note, as with everything in life, catching problems in the early stages makes them much easier to solve. That’s why you should never sit on your problems for too long. Reaching out doesn’t make you the unhappy couple that’s not working, it makes you the couple that’s working on things (like every couple ever). So when is it time to book that online couples counseling session to resolve some relationship problems? If you are experiencing any of the following it’s better to call in the experts:
When they’re breathing too loud
It’s completely normal to have “off” days as an individual or as a couple, it is completely normal to have disagreements and it’s completely normal for your partner or spouse to have certain traits or habits that drive you up the wall. But when you start fighting all day, every day about things that really doesn’t matter much in the bigger scheme of things – something is wrong. The emotional response these small things trigger are also usually not in proportion to the supposed “offense”. If someone starts screaming at the top of their lungs when an empty toilet paper roll wasn’t timeously replaced, there’s definitely a much deeper issue lurking underneath the surface.
When toxic is not just a Britney Spears song
The way we resolve disagreements is often the key to whether a relationship will pass the test of time. Conflict can become very dysfunctional very fast if left unchecked. There are various ways in which confrontation can become dysfunctional; couples can often stop addressing the issue at hand and start launching personal attacks and insults, but also completely shut down and leave the issue to simmer unresolved. Whatever the toxic trait – it needs to be dealt with as soon as possible before it causes lasting damage to a normally loving relationship.
When someone is checking someone’s phone
Trust forms the basis of any relationship. Trust can be broken due to an incident where infidelity has taken place or when someone has been caught out in lies. Other times we may have carried over our own trust issues due to past experiences. Whatever the case, trust issues need to be addressed and trust needs to be rebuilt with the help of an expert in a space where both parties feel safe to express themselves.
When you need some professional back-up
Some things are hard to say. This isn’t just about revealing secrets or uncovering lies, this could relate to any topic or subject that makes you uneasy – whether the conversation is simply outside your comfort zone or you’re uncertain about how your partner/spouse will react and how to deal with that. During online couples counseling your therapist will be able to act as professional back-up and support to navigate the situation and can also help mediate where necessary.
When tragedy has struck
Relationships go through various phases and stages. As two individuals going through life together you know that life will eventually hand you some lemons – it’s just a matter of how many. And in some cases it can be a LOT. People deal with things in different ways and this can impact the dynamic of your relationship. This could be the death of a parent, the loss of a child, dismissal from a job, being stuck at home during a global pandemic etc. When life hands you an entire truck of lemons, you’ll need a professional to help you turn them into lemonade. Online couples counseling can effectively facilitate the process of “lemonading”.
When there are no words
Literally. Some people are simply not very communicative. Some tend to rather internalize their thoughts and feelings than share them with their spouse or partner. There is nothing wrong with it per se, but to leave your other half in a constant guessing game as to if something is bothering you and what is bothering you creates unnecessary tension. This can also make any other general discussions or talking about tough topics very strenuous. Luckily communication is a skill that can be tackled and taught in your online couples counseling session.
When you can’t put your finger on it
Whether you refer to it as an inkling, a vibe, a feeling or an instinct… Sometimes your inner life and love alarm alerts you that something’s not quite right. This can be tricky because even though you know something’s a little “off”, you can’t seem to figure out exactly what. If this is the kind of situation you’re currently grappling with, your therapist can help you figure it out in your online couples counseling session.
When the “ball & chain” saying starts to ring true
We often fear the day we truly start feeling like our spouse or partner is a ball & chain. Like they are keeping us from living the life we want to live. Sadly, it’s usually life’s general responsibilities and routine that ends up winning the title. When your life together starts looking pretty much more of the same on a daily basis; wake up, go to work, get back home, eat, sleep, repeat… It’s easy to feel the rot slowly creeping into that rut. And when you’re that stuck in the mundane of normal life it may seem impossible to get out of it. Chat to your therapist during your online couples counseling session about ways to shake things up again & reigniting that spark.
When you’ve been drifting apart
In today’s busy life with our various busy schedules, it’s easy to unintentionally grow apart without us even realising it. People as individuals also grow and change over time (as we should). But without proper strategies in place you can wake up one morning and feel like you’re lying next to a complete stranger. When this kind of disconnect occurs, it may feel like you might never get the connection back. But the experts definitely have a few connection tricks up their sleeves they can share during your online couples counseling session.
When something’s amiss in between the sheets
Physical intimacy problems can mean a wide variety of things. It can be the symptom of a physical problem with you or your partner or it can be a physical manifestation of an underlying relationship issue. Either way, the situation can cause confusion, frustration and even bring up feelings of rejection. Before this situation spirals into unnecessary conflict, raise the issue with your counsellor during your online couples counseling; the solution to the problem might be much easier to solve than you think.
Relationships can get tricky sometimes. But if we put in the work and ensure that they are properly maintained, they can be the most rewarding parts of our lives. With online couples counseling where time and location is no longer a constraint, it’s easier than ever to achieve. If you would like to book a free introductory consultation contact us on info@personalonlinetherapy.com. Or simply complete the contact form below and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible.
