A study has actually proven that there is a correlation between a spouse’s commute to work and the likelihood of a divorce. This not only tells us that a partner’s working hours heavily impact a relationship, but an overall lack of time for each other is one of the biggest reasons why relationships come to an end. So, exactly how bad is it and how can online relationship counseling help?
In this article, we tell you exactly why a lack of time is one of the biggest problems of modern times, what signs to look out for, a few tips on handling the issue, as well as how online relationship counseling can help turn the situation around.
What Counts as Time Together?
The simple answer is; anything that helps you connect with your partner. This can range from a walk and having coffee and a chat to just relaxing and watching movies together. This is often surprising as many think that quality time together must consist of deep conversations. Deep conversations may lead to deeper connections, but that doesn’t mean that it’s the only way to connect with each other.
Why Don’t Couples Have Time for Each Other Anymore?
It can be a variety of reasons. But in today’s busy world, work is usually the number one culprit. After that, the issue becomes how you prefer spending your spare time. We hear a variety of complaints during online relationship counseling. Some complain that their partner just wants to “party” and hang out with friends, rather than spend time with them. Others accuse hobbies or activities of “stealing” their partner away from them.
These hobbies and activities can be anything from tinkering with cars, and gaming to watching reality TV and baking. Family can also drive a wedge, especially if you have a big family where you always have to try and ensure that you get to see them, or you’re exceptionally close to one another.
Another modern reason that’s on the rise with online dating becoming more and more popular is long distance. It’s hard to connect with someone if they’re on the other side of the world. And whilst there have been major technological strides with things such as VR, gaming, and other meeting platforms, texting, video calling, etc. can only go so far when it comes to quality time.
Why is Spending Time Together So Important?
Anybody can imagine that not spending time with your person can have some adverse effects in a relationship, but do you know exactly why spending time is so important? Let’s dive into it.
It Improves Communication
It’s pretty hard to get better at something that you never get to do. So, having conversations helps you improve the way you communicate with each other. And remember, improvement is also not just “practice makes perfect”, but it also learning what not to do. So a faux pas or two is normal in any relationship and helps to identify things you may need to work on.
You’re Creating Memories
Memorable moments create precious memories. Cherished memories such as this have proved to be incredibly powerful when it comes to motivating a couple that’s struggling to work at the relationship. It’s also incredibly helpful when you as an individual have hit a bit of a “down” in your life. It’s a reminder that things once were and can be better again.
It Keeps the Spark Alive
Having physical closeness and intimacy can ensure that the passion in the relationship is alive and well. Things such as adult games and trying out certain adult items and toys in the bedroom are great ways to have fun together whilst fanning those “let’s-get-physical” flames.
Connection Improves Mental Health
Yes, you’ve read right. Connection isn’t just good for your relationship but actually has benefits for you as an individual as well. Those who are struggling with mental health issues (whether chronic or short-term) and have a proper support network around them have a much easier time navigating these stormy waters than those who find themselves alone in this world.
Teamwork Makes the Dream Work
Another interesting aspect about spending time together that very few know about is that it builds teamwork on a variety of levels. If you are great at spending time together talking or doing a much-loved activity, this translates when you need to face adversity and challenges together. Those who actively spend time together can face these things and get through them as a couple much easier than those who don’t spend a lot of time together.
It Grows Emotional Intimacy
This is something we get to experience in online relationship counseling once the kids fly the coop the most. By spending time with one another and sharing our innermost feelings and thoughts with someone, we build an emotional connection. When our lives get too busy and we stop spending time with one another, this emotional intimacy slowly dies away.
Whilst many couples break up or get divorced when this happens, others don’t even realise it after a while (like the frog in the pot of water that’s slowly boiling to death). These couples usually end up looking more like very efficient and happy roommates who are doing life together. But when the kids leave the house or someone goes on pension, they realise with quite a shock that they know very little of one another.
And without the glue that made the roommate situation work, they are just a couple who have completely lost touch with each other. It can be very hard to get to know each other and reconnect again, but it definitely is possible. So, if you’re seeing the red flags in your relationship, we highly recommend that you reach out to us for online relationship counseling.
You Can Become a Master at Balancing Life
Balancing life is an essential life skill for anyone. Every day we all have a hundred balls that need juggling; work, friends, family, children, the house, our partners, personal struggles, etc.
The saying goes that no one gets out of this life alive, but we most certainly don’t need to live a life that’s bogged down by stress and anxiety and leaving a trail of missed opportunities and destroyed relationships behind us. And this is exactly what happens to those who never learn how to balance the different parts of their lives. In this sense, spending time with your partner can be great for learning and practising balance in life.
It Builds Confidence in a Relationship
Those who don’t spend a lot of time together and have lost that closeness to each other often find themselves doubtful and mistrusting. Are we going to break up? Is he/she going to cheat on me when they go out with friends? A loss of connection takes away a lot of certainty in a relationship. But those who spend a lot of time together and know the ins and outs of their partner and their relationship find a lot of security and have a lot of confidence in their relationship.
Helpful Tips on Spending Time Together
In a world that seems to be out to gobble up all our time, and it seems to get harder and harder to spend time with loved ones, there are a few ways that we can ensure that we don’t get “lost in the sauce”. Here’s how:
Do Those Must-do Tasks Together
You have to eat right? So why not make a thing out of making a meal together? This can be a great way to learn about each other and just have some fun together. It also offers a great opportunity to have some deeper and meaningful conversations over pan frying or egg beating.
Put the Screens Away
The moment anyone has a second to themselves and there’s a device with a screen nearby, most will be scrolling social media, Googling something, start playing a game, or just “quickly” answering a mail. The moment you have dedicated times that don’t involve screens, you’ll see how often you suddenly have moments of connection.
Find a Common Interest
There must be certain aspects where your tastes or interests collide (otherwise you won’t be together in the first place). In online relationship counseling we’ve seen that it can sometimes be tough to figure out what that is because so many are stuck in their differences of the “now”.
“But she doesn’t enjoy sports” or “He doesn’t want to go shopping with me”. Get out of your comfort zone and explore. Do you both enjoy the water? Then what about something like swimming or kayaking? Do you both enjoy food? What about cooking classes? Do you both enjoy nature? Then what about bird watching or running trails? By simply going through all your various likes and interests you are bound to find one activity or hobby that you can do together.
Schedule Time
Why is it so easy for us to schedule appointments and find time for all the nitty-gritty in our lives, but leave ourselves by the wayside? Schedule a time for you to spend time together in your diary. It can be a dedicated time each week or you can choose to schedule a new time and date each time, but make an actual appointment and commitment to each other – and keep it!
When it’s Time to Reach Out
Whilst the above information will be incredibly helpful to most couples, there are those who struggle to get started or simply feel too stuck in their daily grinds to even get the needle moving. These things are very normal when not spending much time with each other has become the status quo somewhere along the line.
In these instances booking an online relationship counseling session is a great way to get helpful insights into your unique situation and guide you in the right direction. If you would like to reach out to us, simply contact us at info@personalonlinetherapy.com or via the Personal Online Therapy Contact Us page. Alternatively, you can complete the form below and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible:
